


First Aid Kit

by brokenbabyvulture



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Headcanon, Healing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Natsuki Attac, Natsuki Protec, Self-Harm, She help Yuri learn Self-Respec, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Violent Thoughts, Yuri is Homicidal, but most importantly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-31 21:47:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15128486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenbabyvulture/pseuds/brokenbabyvulture
Summary: Imagine if you had a gun. Those girls over there would be corpses.You could slit his throat and be out of here before anyone found his body.She would look prettier with blood leaking out of her skull.Kill them. Kill them. Kill. Kill. Killkillkillkillkill-The thoughts never stopped coming, and the farther she pushed them down the more twisted and vivid they came back. She was a danger, a menace to everyone around her, a monster who could lose control and hurt her friends at any second.





	1. Bandages

The weight of the metal in her pocket kept her grounded. Knowing she could draw that blade across her skin and make whatever shit was going on in her head  _ stop  _ let her feel in control of something for once. Between class, the literature club, and having to take care of herself, Yuri got so overwhelmed she needed some time to herself, and cutting was a good excuse to be alone.

She couldn't remember her first knife, or her first cut, but she remembered she thought they were beautiful. The curves of the blades were so smooth and elegant, dipping into her pale skin and drawing up scarlet. She let the blood run down her arms and into her other wounds as she slipped away. She didn't understand how anyone could think this was worse than the thoughts it was keeping away.

_ Imagine if you had a gun. Those girls over there would be corpses. _

_ You could slit his throat and be out of here before anyone found his body. _

_ She would look prettier with blood leaking out of her skull. _

_ Kill them. Kill them. Kill. Kill. Killkillkillkillkill- _

The thoughts never stopped coming, and the farther she pushed them down the more twisted and vivid they came back. She was a danger, a menace to everyone around her, a monster who could lose control and hurt her friends at any second.

She kept to herself for this reason, losing herself in books and trying to keep the ideas in her head or on the page. If Monika was worried about the poems she shared with the club, she would probably puke at what Yuri kept in her notebook.

Yuri was more afraid of herself than anything in the world.

Her frustration in her math class made her thoughts worse. She tried to focus on something, anything besides the way her teacher's brains would look splashed across the chalkboard, but her fingers couldn't help fiddling with the knife in her pocket. She raised her hand and asked to leave class to go to the bathroom.

As she pressed her back against the cold brick of the stall she hid in, she rubbed her thumb over the thick scars on her left arm. She smiled a little at how pronounced they were compared to most people's. She had seen Sayori's once or twice, and while she was empathetic for the girl's pain, she couldn't help but feel a little superior for cutting deeper.

Yuri opened the blade with a practiced flick of her wrist, admiring it for a moment. It reflected the sterile, fluorescent lights of the bathroom sharply, and its weight and coolness were grounding against her palm.

She played the blade across her wrist, adjusting to the cool tingle it sent down her spine. With a deep breath, she pressed the blade down and drew it sideways, gasping as she felt a shot of pain. She watched in awe as the blood beaded up, the world around her sliding out of focus.

In her own world, more sacred to her than even the worlds in her books, Yuri was alone, more alone than she could be anywhere else. She reveled in the sharp, aching pain and the hot blood running down her arm, quickly cooling against the stale air. Yuri was aware of everything but felt calm and assured. She understood this. She had bad thoughts, that made her a bad person, and this was her punishment.

She didn’t know why she was so obsessed with violence. She had read about serial killers, mass murderers, cult leaders, everything, but they all shared a trait she didn’t: lack of empathy. She traced her life back to the beginning and couldn’t find those things that seemed to shape killers. Angry outbursts, killing animals for fun. She never had any of that. She loved her friends, she never wanted to hurt animals, she cried at sad movies, just like a normal person. She just always felt like she was two wrong words away from serious violence.

She was lost now, floating in adrenaline, making absentminded cuts on her arms, the bloody trails crossing over one another and beginning to look like threads of a web. She didn’t hear, then, the door to the bathroom open, wasn’t aware of the heavy breathing and soft whimpers of pain escaping from her lips. 

“Yuri? Oh my god!”

The small, sharp sound forced Yuri back to her senses.  _ Shit.  _ She tried to pull her sleeve down before Natsuki rushed over to her, but only succeed in smearing blood across more of her arm. “I’m fine,” she muttered, head turned away from Natsuki’s face, her eyes shut tight.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” Natsuki didn’t wait for a response, gently touching Yuri’s blood-soaked forearm. Yuri winced. “Can I see them?” Yuri didn’t speak, only nodding slightly. 

Natsuki drew up the damp fabric slowly, watching Yuri’s face twitch with pain she was trying to hide. 

As Natsuki took to cleaning her wounds with paper towels, Yuri damned herself. For not closing the door, for not being quieter,  for not killing herself that morning last year…

“You need stitches.” Natsuki’s voice was small, but she spoke with asuredness that Yuri somehow found comforting. “I can do them for you, or I can take you to the hospital. Those are your choices.”

“I told you, I’m fine.” 

Natsuki stood and put her hands on her hips. “I said you had two options.” She reached out a hand. “I’ll do them. I won’t tell anyone, I promise, just… let me.” Natsuki held Yuri’s gaze, determined. “Get up.”

Yuri accepted the hand grudgingly. She still didn’t meet Natsuki’s eyes, too embarrassed and close to tears. She stood, still holding the girl’s hand.

“Stay here. I’m going to go get my first aid stuff from my backpack. I’ll be right back. Will you be okay for a few minutes?” Yuri nodded at the ground. Natsuki flashed a tight smile and squeezed Yuri’s hand before flitting off back to the classroom.

Yuri slid to the floor again, burying her face in her hands. She couldn’t believe this was happening.  _ Natsuki,  _ the same girl who hid manga in the Literature Club closet and baked cupcakes with kitten faces on them in her free time was taking care of her. She was surprised at the girl’s maturity. During meetings, she was excitable and childish, and didn’t seem to want much to do with anyone else. But she was acting like… an adult. Calm, gentle, firm, and reassuring. It was strange. 

“Hey.” A soft voice rang against the tile. “I’m back.” Natsuki locked the bathroom door behind her, then knelt in front of Yuri. “Can I see them again?” Yuri stretched her arm out, fresh blood dripping over her arm. 

Natsuki hummed disapprovingly, cleaning the fresh blood off with a gauze pad. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” Yuri shook her head. “Okay.”

Yuri knew there was a reason Natsuki was quiet when she wasn’t talking about manga or baking. She didn’t mind the silence.

After the wounds were clean and disinfected, Natsuki pulled a needle and surgical thread out of her bag, breathing deeply. “This is going to hurt.” 

“I don’t mind.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Yuri usually found she had a way with words, but for some reason, they were failing her now. She took a deep breath and tried to center herself, looking for something to fill the heavy silence.

“Where did you learn how to do this?” Yuri nodded towards the curved needle and thread in Natsuki’s hands. She was threading the eye with practiced confidence. 

Natsuki kept her focus on the work in her hands. “When you grow up in a house like mine, you have to learn to take care of yourself.” Her tone was surprisingly blunt and unaffected. 

“You do this on yourself?”

“I have, I guess. Are you ready?” Natsuki took Yuri’s arm in her hand and held it firmly in place. “Last chance to back out.” 

“I’m fine.”

“Alright, just hold still.”

Yuri had never had stitches before. She winced at the needle pricked her skin, cold metal sliding through her flesh. The thread burned as it followed, and her eyes clamped shut from the pain. 

The burning stopped for a moment. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I said I’m fine, keep going.”

The burning sensation began to spread through Yuri’s arm again as Natsuki stitched. Yuri tried to focus on the pain, trying to fall back into needing it, but she couldn’t, not with Natsuki here. She felt too exposed, dirty, and almost paranoid Natsuki knew what she was thinking. She could only stare at Natsuki’s hands working, sure and steady as they brushed against her arm.

“Are you going to go back to class?”

Yuri started as Natsuki broke the silence. “I guess so.” She didn’t particularly want to. It didn’t matter. It’s not like she’d be able to focus again. “Why?”

“I was gonna hide out in the clubroom. You want to come with? You can make me tea.” Natsuki winked cutely, almost getting a laugh out of her patient. Almost.

“I don’t know if… that’s a good idea right now.” Yuri’s mind replayed every kill she had ever planned, only now with Natsuki in place of all the nameless victims. “I shouldn’t be around people.”

Natsuki looked up from her work. “Why not? I don’t want you to be alone if-” she glanced back down at the blood still drying on pale skin, “-if you feel this bad.”

Yuri’s eyes stayed fixed on the ground. “Just trust me,” then mumbling, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

The silence that followed was breathless and chilling.

“Hurt me?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t- I didn’t mean that. I mean, I did. I don’t want to hurt you. I won’t. I think.” Yuri rarely stumbled over her words. Normally, they were the most stable thing about her. But here, so open to this girl, saying something like that, not quite an admission but enough to warrant wariness. She had never told anyone besides her therapist how much she wanted to kill. She wasn’t even close with Natsuki, not really. What was she doing?

“What do you mean, ‘you think?’” There was no anger behind those words, not like Yuri expected. Natsuki was famous for her temper, but the only thing showing through now was curiosity and a bit of trepidation. 

“I, um... Okay. I’ll come with you, to the clubroom. Then... then I’ll tell you.”

“Pinky swear?”

Yuri looked up and made eye contact with Natsuki for the first time since she walked in. She hadn’t been asked to pinky swear since... elementary school? Natsuki could be so childish. She usually found it exhausting.

“Pinky swear,” Yuri murmured back, raising her uninjured arm to seal the promise. This earned her one of Natsuki’s signature grins, and she couldn’t help mustering a weak smile in answer.

After carefully finishing the stitching, Natsuki expertly dressed Yuri’s arm, and helped her keep the bandages hidden under her uniform on their way to the clubroom.

“You sure you wanna skip class? I thought you were miss perfect, like Monika, and Sayori and I were the fuck-ups.”

“I’ve skipped class before,” Yuri snapped, incredulous. She felt the need to defend herself against being called ‘perfect’ for some reason she didn’t understand at that moment.

Natsuki flashed another grin. “Oh yeah? When?”

Yuri struggled to come up with a convincing lie. Lying had to be one of her talent as a closeted crazy, but she was stumbling now. “L-lots of times! I don’t remember them all!”

Natsuki let out a loud snort. “I knew it. See? Perfect. You won the perfect attendance award last year didn’t you?”

Yuri was too embarrassed to respond. Of course she had had perfect attendance. Why was she so upset by that right now? “Well I’m skipping class now. And they’ll just go easy on me then, won’t they?”

“It helps if you cry,” Natsuki responded knowingly. 

Yurt couldn’t stifle her laugh this time. “How often do you do this?”

Natsuki made a show of counting on her fingers, before throwing her hands up. “Too often,” she grinned.

Natsuki opened the door to the club room, checking the hallway for teachers before ducking in. Yuri followed, shutting the door behind her, and breathing out a sigh of relief she didn’t know she was holding in.

Natsuki went straight to the closet where all the club members kept things between meetings. Natsuki was known for having more hidden there than anyone else. “Everything okay Yuri?”

“Hm? Yes, I suppose. I mean, no, not exactly. I- I don’t know,” she admitted, slumping into a desk.

“Hey.” Natsuki’s voice came uncharacteristically soft and kind. “Do you want to just read together for a while? No talking necessary.”

Yuri found herself too close to tears to speak. She only nodded and curled up into a tighter ball in her chair. She was frustrated that for the second time that day, words were failing her. 

Natsuki set one of Yuri’s books on her desk, and sat down with her manga in the seat across from her. 

This was the only time Yuri ever saw her look so… relaxed. Natsuki usually had an air of anxiety, even when she was with friends or in class, like she was always scanning for threats. But when she was lost in a book, all of that dissipated. 

Yuri spent several minutes staring at Natsuki, too exhausted to pick up her book. 

“Can I help you?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry, I, um-”

Natsuki snorted. “Don’t worry, I like the attention. You don’t want that book?”

“It’s… not what I’m in the mood for right now.”

“Well, what  _ are  _ you in the mood for then?”

“D-don’t worry about it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Natsuki’s attention was now torn from her manga, not angry, but curious, and obviously concerned for her friend.

“You’ll think it’s weird.”

Natsuki crossed her arms and frowned. “You think my manga is weird, but I still tell you about it.”

Yuri sighed in total frustration. “It’s not like… manga weird, it’s like… weird weird.”

“Fine. Don’t tell me.”

Silence fell over the clubroom again, but instead of being comfortable and friendly, it was noticeably tense.

“I’m sorry,” Yuri spoke to the ground. “You… don’t want to know, trust me.”

“I do. What, you think I can’t handle it?”

“Yes.”

“I can! Tell me!”

“You wouldn’t know it. It’s a pretty obscure manga.” Yuri winced at her slip-up.

“Manga?” Natsuki’s eyes lit up. “If it’s a manga I’ll probably know it. C’mon, now you have to tell me.”

“DeadTube,” Yuri mumbled.

“Dead… Tube?”

Yuri sighed, thankful she hadn’t been outed as a freak against her will just yet. “I told you, obscure.”

“Not for long.”

“What?” Yuri questioned, exasperated. Natsuki pulled her phone out, presumably looking up the manga, seconds away from never wanting to talk to Yuri again…

“Woah…” Natsuki’s eyes were wide as she scrolled through the results. “What…  _ is  _ this?” She looked interested, if a little apprehensive.

Yuri couldn’t speak, not wanting to say anything more incriminating. Though it would be hard to top what Natsuki was probably looking at right now.

Natsuki clicked her phone off, and her eyes met Yuri’s, alight with a thousand questions.

“You like this stuff? Why? How long have you been reading it for?”

Yuri could only look down at the desk in shame. She gripped her wrist, still weeping blood through the bandages. 

Natsuki sighed and sat beside her, careful not to encroach on her space. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

Yuri wasn’t sure she could answer that. She didn’t want to admit to enjoying something so perverted, but it would feel so good to finally tell someone. To not have to hide everything, to let down her guard.

“Yes.”

She had to take a moment to breathe, to know how to get the words out, but Natsuki was patient, sitting quietly until Yuri was ready to speak.

“I found this manga a couple of years ago, and I liked it so much, I read it over and over again. I didn’t know why, but… I was fascinated with it.” She glanced up at Natsuki’s face, trying to gauge her reaction. She looked more interested than anything else, so Yuri kept going, explaining the plot and some of the characters.

“It hasn’t updated in quite some time, so it’s safe to assume it’s inactive or dead, but… I still go back to check on it now and then.”

“Why do you like it so much?”

Yuri answered almost without realizing it, her excitement getting the better of her. “It’s… violent. For no reason. The violence is the point! There’s something pure about that, isn’t there?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Yuri felt her throat close up as Natsuki’s tone shifted from intrigued to wary. “Sorry. It’s gross, I know. I’m sorry.” Her eyes fell to the desk again.

“No, it’s cool! I’m just not sure I really get it. Would you tell me more?”

Yuri met her eyes sheepishly. “What more do you want to know?”

“Like… why did you go looking for something like this in the first place? Sorry, but I’ve known you for a while, and I always thought you were into that deep, philosophical bullshit.”

“Because it… it helps me.”

“With what?”

Yuri hesitated, wondered if she really wanted to know. She had come this far. All she had to lose was a friend.

“I have these thoughts,” Yuri relented, her voice small but sure, not betraying the anxiety bubbling in her core. “These really violent, bad thoughts. I don’t know why, and I can’t stop them and they-” she faltered. “They make me worry I’m going to hurt someone someday. Looking at all this violent stuff… I don’t know why, but it helps. It make me worry about hurting someone less.” Yuri found her breathing shaky, like she had just run a marathon. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey.”

Natsuki’s voice was gentle, obviously trying not to scare Yuri. She was using the same tone one would with a cornered animal. 

“I don’t think you would hurt anybody.”

“You don’t know how scary they are.”

“I don’t. But I do think you’re a good person. I trust you.”

Yuri could only nod softly, hot, confused tears welling up at the corners of her eyes.

“If reading this makes you feel better, I think it’s cool. Would it be okay if, I don’t know, I checked it out sometime?”

Yuri nodded again, more adamantly this time. She couldn’t help but gasp when she felt Natsuki’s warm hand touch hers.

“Do you want to read it together?” Natsuki looked hopeful as she asked.

Yuri sat up and took a breath, wiping the tears from her eyes and staining her sleeve. “Okay.”

“I’ll walk home with you,” Natsuki replied, standing and scooping several volumes of Parfait Girls into her bag. It wasn’t a request.

Yuri looked up, confused. “Now?” She glanced at the clock. “School isn’t over for another three hours.”

Natsuki grinned. “You were planning on going back to class?” Her smile faded as she look down at Yuri’s wrist. “You need to rest. I’ll keep you company. Besides, it’s Friday! I can just spend the night. It’ll be fun!” 

Yuri felt her defenses weakening as she couldn’t help but match the girl’s smile. “Okay,” she relented, picking up her bag. “Let’s go.”


	2. Thermometer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! I've had a couple of mental illness issues still in progress and felt incapable about writing lesbians healing and being in love. I will try my hardest to be more timely with next chapters; thank you so much for your lovely comments and kudos <3

“You really live here all by yourself?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Yuri didn’t think much about her living alone. It had been her reality for so long it seemed normal.

Natsuki looked up at the small house, frowning. “That’s the dream.”

Yuri didn’t know what to say to that. She had gotten closer to Natsuki today, but she still didn’t know how to react to… that.

Yuri unlocked the front door and followed Natsuki in, letting her take in the cozy home. “Do you… like it?”

Natsuki set herself on the couch with the same confidence as someone who’d lived here their whole life. She took a quick look around the room nodded approvingly. “You got a kitchen?”

“Of course.” Yuri gestured to her left. “Are you hungry?”

Natsuki grinned. “Not yet. But the night is young!”

“It’s four ‘o’clock.”

“Whatever!” Natsuki patted the space on the couch next to her. “You’re free. There’s no school tomorrow. What do you want to do now?”

Yuri sat down gently, keeping her distance from the other girl. “I don’t know. I didn’t exactly plan for this.”

Natsuki smiled again. “In that case…” She open her bag and pulled out a stack of blue DVD cases. “Pick out whatever you want.” She handed the pile to Yuri. “We’ve got all night, so we could probably get through most of these if you wanted. I grabbed a bunch I thought you might like from my stash in the clubroom. I hope they’re okay.”

Yuri shuffled through her options, scanning the back of each box for the summaries. It was all anime, obviously, but she hadn’t expected anything else. She was surprised by how scary it all seemed. 

“I thought you didn’t like horror?” She recalled Natsuki’s disdain for the topic from when she had brought Portrait of Markov to a Literature Club meeting a few months ago. 

“I said I didn’t like horror books. They always freak me out,” she admitted in a small voice. It was unlike Natsuki to be so honest, especially about something Yuri knew could be touchy with her. “Watching it never scares me as much. Plus,” Natsuki looked up, her face quickly shifting back to that glowing smile, “horror anime always has cute girls in it! Even if the main character is some boring guy, he always dies or goes crazy at the end.”

Yuri cracked a smile at that. “Is that a good thing?”

“Yep. It’s always his fault anyway. Stupid boys.”

Yuri nodded, still shuffling through the DVDs. Her eyes settled on a case with a pink haired girl and a boy in an orange jacket. “Is this one good?”

“Of course it is,” Natsuki replied without looking at the case. “I only give you the best my dear.” She shifted to take the DVD from Yuri, glancing at the cover. “Oh! Mirai Nikki! You have a discerning eye.” She rose to pop the disc into the player underneath the TV. Yuri couldn’t help but marvel at how relaxed she seemed. In someone else’s house for the first time, alone, Yuri would be panicking. But Natsuki exuded confidence here. Yuri was thankful for that. 

“Are you hungry?” Natsuki asked from the TV, glancing back at Yuri. “We could make popcorn or something.”

“Yes, that might be nice. Make whatever you want.”

Natsuki stood, tossing Yuri the remote, and almost blinding her in the process. 

“Sorry!” Natsuki tried to act concerned, but couldn’t conceal her laughter. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Yuri insisted, holding a hand to her eye and managing a reassuring smile. “Go make that popcorn.”

“Don’t start without me!” Yuri nodded, and Natsuki flitted off to the kitchen, opening cupboards and drawers and humming to herself.

Yuri slumped back onto the couch and scooted into the corner, taking up as little space as possible. Carefully, she pulled down her sleeve, looking over the bloodstained bandages that had gotten her here. Here, skipping school and watching anime with Natsuki instead. She ran her fingers over the pale, puffy scars she had left over years of trying to cope with everything. “Maybe I should do this more often,” she mused. If it got her the attention of cute girls and out of class, then…

She shook her head, banishing the thought from her mind. She would not be one of those girls. She would not do this for the attention. She grimaced, pressing a thumb to the fresh wounds on her arm, feeling the quiet throb of pain. She hated those people. 

Natsuki returned with two bowls full of warm popcorn, setting them on the table. She glanced at Yuri as her eyes fell on her bloody arm. 

“Hey, are you okay?”

Yuri shifted, letting her sleeve fall to cover the bandages. “Yes. I’m alright.” She smiled weakly, and Natsuki didn’t press any further. 

Instead, Natsuki turned on the TV and started the show, falling onto the couch next to Yuri. As the theme song started, she sang along under her breath.

“I should’ve known you would pick this one.”

“Why is that?”

“Because out of all the choices I brought, it’s the most philosophical and shit.”

Yuri only hummed thoughtfully. “Why’d you bring it anyway? It doesn’t look that scary.”

“There’s death by katana near the end. And other deaths of that nature.”

Yuri nodded and stayed quiet for a while, watching and thinking about how strange this was. How someone was encouraging her to indulge in… violence. Her heart swelled at the thought. She had been right, telling someone made her feel better, if a little nervous, but she had never expected this much understanding from Natsuki of all people.

They continued watching in comfortable silence for a few episodes, both losing track of time, captivated by the show. Yuri decided she quite liked Yuno. She admired her dedication to her love, her cheerfulness, and how protective she could be. It also helped that she was very attractive.

Her favorite part of the show was its occasional violence, though not predominantly because of the blood. Most of the deaths of named characters were creative and unexpected, and made her mind churn with thoughts of recreating them. Normally she would push those thoughts down, disgusted with herself and afraid she might snap this time. For some reason, however, she felt safe allowing them to come. She allowed the scenes to play out in her head, only half focused on what was happening on screen at this point. 

Yuri was shaken out of her daydreaming at the soft touch of Natsuki’s hand on her arm. It was gentle enough to not frighten her, but Yuri was unaccustomed to affection. Having lived alone for years now and keeping to herself at school had left her more touchstarved than she realized. Yuri considered pulling away, startled at the contact, but found it too comforting to resist.

While she warmed to the gentle contact, it was broken as Natsuki pulled her hand away. 

“Sorry.” Natsuki looked down sheepishly.

“No, it’s okay,” Yuri insisted. It came off sounding more desperate than she intended. She looks down, then knits her brows, looking back up at Natsuki. Without a word, she takes Natsuki’s hand in her own and smiles. “I promise.”

She noticed Natsuki flush for just a moment. Instead of saying anything, she simply squeezed Yuri’s hand and turned back to the screen.

They sat watching like that for a few episodes, though Yuri was paying far less attention now. She was acutely aware of the warm skin pressed to her palm and how it brushed against her thigh on occasion. It was ridiculously distracting. She also found herself glancing at Natsuki from time to time, eyes falling on her smile, how one of her canines stuck out when she grinned like that, and how it caught her lip when she chewed at it thoughtfully…

She shook her head softly, trying to focus on the action scene on the TV.

They ended up watching all twenty-six episodes together, though it was into the early morning when the final credits began to roll. Yuri’s eyes were heavy, and Natsuki was resting on her shoulder, already passed out. Yuri couldn’t help but smile at that, how different she looked from her normal, loud, hyperactive self right now. Their hands still touched, fingers gently intertwined, and Yuri ran a thumb across the back of Natsuki’s hand. She sighed, knowing she would have to stand eventually. She should probably offer to let her stay the night, especially since it was safer for her to be anywhere but her house. 

Yuri stood as slowly as she could, and watched with a bit too much amusement as Natsuki slumped over, her eyes flying open moments before her face hit the couch.

“Hey!”

Her voice was still cracked and groggy from sleep, and it only served to make her anger more adorable.

“It’s four in the morning. Do you want to spend the night? My bed is pretty small, so I can just sleep on the couch-”

“Don’t be lame,” Natsuki interrupted. “We can share.” She stood up, stumbling a bit as she did, and caught herself on Yuri’s shoulder. Yuri felt her skin heat up at the contact, but tried her best to not show it.

She led natsuki to her modest bedroom, trying to understand why she felt so nervous. She had shared beds with people before. She had never thought anything of it. But now, she felt butterflies burst to life in her chest at the thought of being so close to this girl.

Before Yuri could shut the door to her room, Natsuki was already shedding her school uniform, her blazer tossed across the room and skirt hitting the floor, like there was no one in the room with her. At that, the butterflies in Yuri’s chest turned to bees, her heart seeming to buzz against her ribs, and she feared they might crack if she didn’t look away.

As Yuri tried to hide the blush creeping up her neck, Natsuki slipped on a pair of shorts from her bag and flopped onto the bed. “Are you going to join me?” she asked, winking.

“I- I’m sorry?” Yuri was panicking now, afraid Natsuki might be mocking her for being so obviously flustered. “I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Before Yuri could trip over herself any more, Natsuki let out a sharp giggle. “I’m just kidding, Yuri.”

“Oh.”

Yuri was relieved to know she hadn’t made too much of a fool of herself, but she also found she was a bit disappointed for some reason. She tried to forget the feeling, sighing and turning her back to Natsuki to change. As she undressed and searched her drawers for a pair of pants, she glanced at the bed to see Natsuki staring at her. Yuri turned quickly, feeling her skin redden even deeper, and heard a soft chuckle from behind her. She ignored it, getting into pajamas as fast as humanly possible, and sat down on the end of the bed.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to sleep on the couch?”

“That’s gotta be bad for your back,” Natsuki huffed, holding up the covers and inviting Yuri in. “This is fine, we’re both girls.”

Yuri thought she noticed an odd inflection in those words, but she couldn’t be sure. She was too tired to worry anymore. She relented and slid under the covers next to Natsuki, very aware of how much warmer her bed was with two people in it. Warmer, and smaller.

She turned onto her side, and was just about to drift off, when she felt a gentle press against the bare skin above her hip. Her breath hitched, but she made an effort not to react. As startling as the touch was, the way Natsuki’s fingers rubbed small circles against her hip bone was comforting and electric all at once. So she stayed still, rewarded by more soft, rhythmic touches. It was a moment too sweet for words, so Yuri decided she wouldn’t try to put it into any. She just let the pressure and warmth lull her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally finished this at 2 am because I was inspired by Hayley Kiyoko to be gay and write about sapphic love


End file.
